valerie's post.

i wanted to post ytd, but i was too tired.

so, well, here goes.

***

i have so many lives- my life with my family, my life with 2a. my life with my best friends, my good friends, my not-so-good friends. my (used-to-be) life with council and pb. my life with ncc, my life with bravo.

ncc, bravo, th specs, th part As, the ma'ams, th sirs, th 13 of you. are one of th most important things to me. all of those. MY LIFE. if i lost ncc. if i broke my legs and can no longer drill with bravo. one of my lives, one of me. how can i ever find that part back?

i hold ncc so dear, so close to my heart. and, it breaks my heart, my soul, to see us like this.

like this.

whr's our standard.

whr's our co-ordination.

whr's our discipline.

whr's our passion.

whr's our spirit.

whr's our soul.

ytd night. i asked myself.

"why are the specs so disappointed with us?"

but th answer is so obvious. i could have laughed at myself.

"how can they not be disappointed, when im alr so shattered inside, when i think of us."

yi tong said "girls, i've seen you do miracles before. do your miracles again."

miracles.

was she reli talking about us?

th 14 cadets of burnt bravo '07?

was she reli seeing us?

th 14 cadets of burnt bravo '07?

then how can things change so drastically, in just a matter of months?

we made. MADE. our snrs proud of us before.

but we're not making them proud anymore.

instead, we're disappointing them, th people whom we should want to make them proud of.

sometimes. i just want to scream and shout and tear all of your hair out.
sometimes, i just want to slap th hell out of you.
sometimes, i just want to beg you to put in your effort.

our snrs have so much faith in us. why cant we do it for them. for US.

i know im not th best in this plt. i know i have no rights to criticise. but im still part of burnt bravo. im one of th 14 souls. i wonder how many of you can say you reli put in effort, you reli love ncc.

im still waiting, to reli fall in love with th 13 of you. i try so hard. but im not getting anywhr. im still waiting, to see the bravo th snrs see in us.

th bravo, who th specs can be mightily proud of.

th bravo, who th part As will learn to respect.

th bravo, who will pull up our BUC.

th bravo, who will make RVNCC not just knwon as RVNCC, but as th RVNCC.

th bravo, who can stand up tall and proud, and holler to th whole world how much ncc mean to us.

when will our "one bang, one soul, one ncc" come true.

i've been feeling so much since last year.

im beginning to stop feeling.

stop feeling pissed, sad.

when i think of what happened ytd.

im just empty.

i cant cry anymore.

just empty.

valerie

ps. all these, are my words. words that are my truth. maybe you guys have a different opinion. but i've waited too long to say it all out.

adapted from Crushed by The Beu Sisters.

Always thought someday we could make our snrs proud

More than th average cadets, they would see us differently

Then I saw we're just plain disappointing

So now, where are we

I'm crushed so crushed

'cause I always thought that it would be the best of the 14 of us

And I'm dying inside

Every time I see our standard

It just makes me cry my tears don't seem to dry

And that's why, I'm crushed

Used to be, couldn't wait for ncc

We would improve our standard, wont we

Share our dreams, we would show them everything

Oh if I could cahnge it all now

Now it's us who cant meet their expectations

And make them proud

I'm crushed so crushed

'cause I always thought that it would be the best of the 14 of us

And I'm dying inside

Every time I see our standard

It just makes me cry my tears don't seem to dry

And that's why, I'm crushed

I got the nerve to finally tell you all the things I feel for us

Now everything is wrong, our chance is gone

We've come along and ripped our own dreams in two

And I'm...

I'm crushed so crushed

'cause I always thought that it would be the the best of the 14 of us

And I'm dying inside

Every time I see our standard

It just makes me cry my tears don't seem to dry

And that's why, I'm crushed